the past few days, i notice how my mind works faster than my heart. healing is a slow and painful process. worrying does not do much. but surely, someone, whether it be an earthly or heavenly being, will take my weary case to justice and bring me a loving peace. a peace willing to embrace the very core of me and melt away all the bad residue of an unfaithful living testimony.

i did not anticipate a cut this deep. in fact, my thoughts lead me to move while others yet still fallen. as i experience various tastes of cursed humanity, i felt assured in my conclusion to do what i - in the non-hurt state would do. almost how rory (from gilmore girls) handled her 1st break up with dean in season 1. she did not want to mope despite her mother, lorelai, encouraging her to do so. instead, she hardened her heart, stayed strong without noticing how others were quite aware of the sadness she was tugging along. of course season one, where lorelai is proposed to by max and rory finally admits she loves dean (they get back together), ends beautifully! :) only, i don't think mine will end that way. although my story is also about love, it is not one about romance, it is about family.

no family is perfect. some famillies are worth fighting for. unfortunately, my family is on the opposite spectrum, better to live than die trying. i know horrible things happen to everyone. its unavoidable. however, some are better at making bad things look good, working out rotten things to healthy things; and in the end, manifest or harbor the love that moves mountains. i am deluded. its just my eyes seeing perfect what is not. honestly, i've had my share of being part of other homes. blessed to be. from my journeys, i am optimistic for the unforetold. pray your blessing be upon me. sprinkle some faith, hope, and pour forth love to my being that i will go farther than expected. that my life, my dear life, will spring blossoms of irrevocable wealth measured by eternity. rescue me from the strangle of conditional rationalization and half truth embellishments - rescue me from the sin i am born into.

come faith and rescue self. here, in silent prayers can scarecly comfort the yearnings of a child. pray prayers that scream for attention, the God Almighty will weather the storms of crucifixion. pray in joy and thanksgiving, your life has been bought for a price of eternity. pray in expected goodness that He has indeed heard.  pray in honesty that your wait will be pardoned and bring rest to the overcomed spirit.

the past few days, i will be in pain. a longing to be fulfilled elsewhere. but there is no need to worry. someone, whether an earthly or heavenly being has taken my weary case to justice and the peace which transcends all understanding has guarded my heart and my mind in Christ Jesus.