rina_tan's Xanga

next chapter

Wed, 29 Jul 2009 02:00:49 GMT

i haven't written for so long. i've been absent from the internet world! :)
do you know that i'm married now.
and i have a child now. :)
how are you?

i almost didn't know how to write a blog on my blog!! :) the world is ever evolving. ever changing. ever learning.

a long struggle.

Thu, 26 Jul 2007 02:11:24 GMT

the past few days, i notice how my mind works faster than my heart. healing is a slow and painful process. worrying does not do much. but surely, someone, whether it be an earthly or heavenly being, will take my weary case to justice and bring me a loving peace. a peace willing to embrace the very core of me and melt away all the bad residue of an unfaithful living testimony.

i did not anticipate a cut this deep. in fact, my thoughts lead me to move while others yet still fallen. as i experience various tastes of cursed humanity, i felt assured in my conclusion to do what i - in the non-hurt state would do. almost how rory (from gilmore girls) handled her 1st break up with dean in season 1. she did not want to mope despite her mother, lorelai, encouraging her to do so. instead, she hardened her heart, stayed strong without noticing how others were quite aware of the sadness she was tugging along. of course season one, where lorelai is proposed to by max and rory finally admits she loves dean (they get back together), ends beautifully! :) only, i don't think mine will end that way. although my story is also about love, it is not one about romance, it is about family.

no family is perfect. some famillies are worth fighting for. unfortunately, my family is on the opposite spectrum, better to live than die trying. i know horrible things happen to everyone. its unavoidable. however, some are better at making bad things look good, working out rotten things to healthy things; and in the end, manifest or harbor the love that moves mountains. i am deluded. its just my eyes seeing perfect what is not. honestly, i've had my share of being part of other homes. blessed to be. from my journeys, i am optimistic for the unforetold. pray your blessing be upon me. sprinkle some faith, hope, and pour forth love to my being that i will go farther than expected. that my life, my dear life, will spring blossoms of irrevocable wealth measured by eternity. rescue me from the strangle of conditional rationalization and half truth embellishments - rescue me from the sin i am born into.

come faith and rescue self. here, in silent prayers can scarecly comfort the yearnings of a child. pray prayers that scream for attention, the God Almighty will weather the storms of crucifixion. pray in joy and thanksgiving, your life has been bought for a price of eternity. pray in expected goodness that He has indeed heard. pray in honesty that your wait will be pardoned and bring rest to the overcomed spirit.

the past few days, i will be in pain. a longing to be fulfilled elsewhere. but there is no need to worry. someone, whether an earthly or heavenly being has taken my weary case to justice and the peace which transcends all understanding has guarded my heart and my mind in Christ Jesus.

eat pray love (elizabeth gilbert)

Fri, 06 Jul 2007 07:13:37 GMT

had dinner with a friend and how marvellous that she bought me a book for my wedding! the book isn't related to my wedding...its just a gift that outstretched itself. i'm sure glad she bought it because its a great book. a book that i enjoyed reading and relating to.

i feel the need to write this down. i am often depressed - like that of liz. but for a reason other than a divorce. i related deeply to the wholeness, control, and/or balance search and i plainly love her travel, some religious insite (not for her views/choice though), odd experiences; and i'm guessing, that the individual she found seems to be what i'm waiting for. i often don't know what i want because i like so many things? i'm happy most of the time but i don't really know why i'm happy anyway? ok, don't get confused though, its just bliss right. and there are those momentous days where you just feel awfully sad! its just inexplainable. i know i'm going through many things - and of those many things, i'm not sure which i'm ok with and which i'm not ok with. know what i mean? life just keeps chugging along... wake up, do what you have to do, and sleep. somewhere in between, you join things, hang out with people...bliss. before you know it - things passed you by.

i'm writing this because i'm getting married. sheesh.. i even get to go on a marriage counselling thing (its mandatory to get the license). its great though. learning lots of new things. and i totally agree on investing as much time preparing for wedding as the marriage (yup even before you are actually married). its true what most counsellors say , you'll even read it in self help books... religious or not... you gotta learn to love yourself. there it is again. exactly, what this girl, liz's story all about...learning to find herself and loving who she is. so.. umm does anyone want to sponsor my trip to europe so i can go find myself and write a book?? i'll call the book: hate meditate escape? or ummm travel travel travel! hahahahah i'll have a better title once i finish travelling across europe, and of course, once i finish writing the book!

com'n please??

confused

Wed, 09 May 2007 05:38:22 GMT

nobody's updatin! :) i suppose we all got our little things to do. i want to jot down some thoughts to eleviate some confusion and grr-ness

1. dressmaker: can you be anymore wrong?!?!

2. "counselling" is going to be the hardest part! i've got so many issues.haha women

3. i want to go to bangkok and phuket - its just getting real expensive after the siargao trip.

4. stumbled on this site called: i to i - life changing travel. i wanna do that - but is so EXPENSIVE! sheeshkabob

5. i'm wondering if i'm a fool for thinking that things won't really change....

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Tue, 27 Mar 2007 04:23:42 GMT

january 1, 2008 Edsa-Shangri-La

colors, COlors, COLORS

Fri, 23 Mar 2007 01:53:44 GMT

to anyone, i mean ANYONE who is good with colors - can you advise me four other colors that match with baby pink and lavender?!? please??! thanks.

Monday, March 12, 2007

Mon, 12 Mar 2007 07:39:58 GMT

2008 wedding. details to follow.

Friday, February 09, 2007

Fri, 09 Feb 2007 01:42:56 GMT

dear lord, please help, i don't know what to do.

Thursday, January 18, 2007

Thu, 18 Jan 2007 03:42:21 GMT

a "new" year has indeed arrived with interesting trips, lucrative offers, and of course, the usual unimaginable leaps to life's twists and turns. looking forward, i must thank the nice people (and a special person) who have positively influenced me to be who i am today. although, i have much learning with regards to controlling my (stomach..oops) temper and my pessimistic view, i am glad to testify that change is possible. a good heart, a kind spirit/attitude, and optimistic perspective can be worked on - just like paul wrote in the bible. i've not mastered anything persay but i am slaving to be a person of love, hope, joy, and peace.

atmost, i am overjoyed of the unconquerable being conquerable. perhaps, that is what differentiates the faith full from the faith less. i still catch myself falling, not believing, feeling hopeless and it is the moment i know being human is marvellous. it brings a limitless variety of experiences matching no other, unique in every way. though being sad is no happy experience, it is a experience to be grasped nonetheless. which brings me to the theory why the new year always brings a large crowd of party go-ers and home buddies together. "new" always sounds so superior, looks so attractive, feels so energizing, tastes so delicious, and smells scrumptious to deny. it brings out the best in most people for a certain amount of time. i therefore conclude.. you must have something new everyday! hahahah

i just wanted to update, say hello... so, please leave a message at the end. thanks. happy new year once again.

Merry Christmas and A Happy New Year

Mon, 08 Jan 2007 01:53:59 GMT

Somehow, the end months always go by faster than the first few months of the year. I pray that you have had your share of rest, laughter, and joy/peace. Indeed, a merry christmas and a happy new year to you all!

Much needs to be shared but i don't think i can quite mention the things awaiting me this year spontaneously. i hope that we will meet soon...i hope that our roads will cross and i can take you with me because good friends are hard to find.

take care...